Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
