I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
