We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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