Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
