I just made out with a guy for $7.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
