What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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