Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Randomize
