Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
