He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
no. you can't hotbox the world.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
