Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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