If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He shit in the fireplace
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
