I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
