You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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