Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
