i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
