you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Found the puke drawer
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
