Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
