My room smells like vodka and shame
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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