i think my tv is drunk
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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