How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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