I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You pole danced in your parka.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
