My sheets look like a crime scene.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
