What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
