Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just high enough for therapy.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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