mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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