On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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