I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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