Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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