Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Welp...herpes.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
