Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
