This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
