i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize