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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
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