i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
