Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
