Me. At least after what I've been through.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize