That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
