This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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