i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
