Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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