y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
