I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
