You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize