Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
