I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
