we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
