i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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