the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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