Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
