If i come over, it means nothing
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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