Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
foreskin is a definite game changer
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
