grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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