I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize