its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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