I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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