My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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