Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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