I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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