yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
