??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
