dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize