I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
