first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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