You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
