lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
