He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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