is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
