i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
