We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
