There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
