Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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