Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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