My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
