White coat. Heels.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
