I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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