**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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