I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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