I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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