the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
