She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
