I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
