I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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