If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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