HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
