So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
