batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize