I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
it was like eating out sand paper
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
