8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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