Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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