my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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