There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well I just put wine in my tea
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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